420 ftw
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
