She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
