Umm I'm too high to move.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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