I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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