i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
