I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
