i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
