She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
