Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I want is dick and wine.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
