My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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