is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.