Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.