He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This baby is an asshole
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
