Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.