dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
honey bunches of taint.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
