Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
