How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
