He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
