she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
