My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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