Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
