A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
