so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
