He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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