I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hippo gnu deer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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