Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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