Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
