she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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