you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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