i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
