The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
