nut hugger
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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