Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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