Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
