It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
