If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
