That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
