Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
