I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
