I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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