... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
