Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
