I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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