I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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