p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
