you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
