you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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