Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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