he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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