i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
