She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
