I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
