Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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