he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
