Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
