so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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