you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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