Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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