have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
