This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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