i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this just has baby written all over it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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