it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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