so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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