I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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