I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
