We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
