Just cropdusted the office
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
